Saturday, April 16, 2011

Oh, How He loves us!

Hey guys!

I just wanted to write a quick little blog about what's been going on in my heart lately. I've been sort of keeping to myself lately and just drowning myself in worship. I realized when I'm not out and about doing things, and I'm by myself, I'm not, really! I'm with GOD! There has been a lot going on in my heart lately, I've been dealing with heartbreak and being attacked by the enemy. What I realized today is,the more time I spend with the Lord, the more I cry out to Him, the more the devil can't stand it, so he tries to get at me more. Between reading Battlefield of The Mind by Joyce Meyer and Warrior Chicks by Holly Wagner, I have realized something. The more God breaks my heart, the stronger it makes me. The more the enemy attacks me, the closer I grow to God. He tries to make me angry and hurt, and give up on God, but as he keeps pushing, I remember Jesus died for me. I remember, God loves me. I remember,that He never takes anything away from me without giving me something better. I remember that instead of running to a bar like the devil wants me to, I run straight to Gods arms and let Him love me when I feel like nobody else does.

I have struggled so much lately. Between heartbreak and letting go of somebody I love, being far away from my family and not having their support, and struggling to truly let others love me, I have been broken. The devil has tried to tear me down and make my resiliant, strong heart and strong soul disappear.

And to be honest, it has faded. But sitting here tonight, (I'm babysitting) I wrote in my journal for 2 hours, read, worshipped, I stood up and started pacing around. I have realized that I have made a choice to let the devil get into my head and control it. I realized that I had a terrible couple of weeks because I started believing that I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, smart enough or strong enough. I began to believe that if I left this person I would NEVER find love, I convinced myself I was wrong, that my heart was wrong. I straight up stopped listening to God. Let me tell you all something. When I worship the Lord with all of my heart, when I keep in His word and thank Him and praise Him and pray, I still have bad weeks, because the devil hates it. And that's when I throw the Holy spirit up in the devils face and say, NOT TODAY!

But...can you imagine what happens when you stop the worship? Instead of crying out...you just cry? Instead of sitting in your room talking to God, you sit in your room and don't talk...at all? Instead of reading Gods true word and letting it into your heart and believing it...you believe what the enemy says, instead? I can. It's hard enough to live in this world WITH GOD, to constantly say no to things, to choose to believe Him, to choose His way and word and way of life. Can you imagine going back to living without God? Today...I watched a brutal fight between a young couple in the parking lot of Wal Mart in Pell City. The girl was swinging at the guy, the guy was calling the girl a crazy ***** and a ****. Cops showed up, I stood there and stared because I couldn't take my eyes away. I walked into Wal Mart, tons of young couples with children, EVERYBODY buying beer for the race weekend, all of these people around me living in this crazy world, most of them, without God. It...terrified me.

Lately, I've been dealing with a broken heart and broken confidence not because of my reality but because that's the enemy wants me to believe. He has done his best to place strongholds in my head, and I believed them. I have prayed to God to just show me what breaks His heart, to teach me why I have to endure these trials. Today, he did. That lost girl and young man physically fighting, emotionally beating each other down today. Fearful. Scared. Lost and in trouble. The young woman I saw coming out out of the bathroom with cuts all up and down her arms. Lost. Sad. Thinks nobody loves her. I think about these people, I stopped everywhere I went today and looked around at all of the brokeness in this world and I was terrified. There are generations out there that live like this. Daily. Lost, scared, alone, feel unworthy, no self confidence. They try to turn to everything earthly to mend their hearts when really, what they need is to know Gods Love. Until six months ago, I was that girl. I knew the Lord but I didn't know that he delights in me, that I am a princess and His daughter, and that He was always going to love me no matter what.

God didn't show me these things today to make me sad and make me tear up. He showed me because I am a leader and He needs me to endure these things. He needs me to endure these things so I can take my testimony and HELP these people. I live to serve God. God is asking me to look to Him to guide me, and press on towards my goal: to spread the gospel and save the lost. He showed me these things because He was saying "People like that, need people like you, and you know Me, and they need to know Me." When I have a rough couple of days or weeks like lately,I know it's because the enemy knows the Lords plans for me, and He knows everyday I am closer to attaining those dreams and fulfilling those goals.

My heart has been faint lately, but I know these are the Lords desires for me. He knows my heart can feel as faint as ever, but my spirit is strong, because it is HIS spirit that is strong in Me.

Just a little note to the devil, by the way: Your attempts aren't working on me. These trials are hard, but God works EVERYTHING, E V E R Y T H I N G together for good. So keep trying. What the devil doesn't realize is this: the more you push me, it's just a push closer right into God's loving, faithful arms.

Isaiah 12:2
" Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid, for the Lord is my strength and my song and has become my salvation."

Psalm 61: 2-4 "From the end of the Earth I call to you when my heart is faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy."

Yes, even in these times of trials, testing my endurance, I need to realize two things. He is a strong tower against the enemy, My GOD will fight for me when I feel I can't fight for myself. And the other thing, God has BLESSED me beyond measure. I owe Him EVERYTHING, including my eternal praise. All of the glory goes to you, God!

UNTIL NEXT TIME!


XOXOXOXOX,

Caitlin

1 comment:

  1. "When I have a rough couple of days or weeks like lately,I know it's because the enemy knows the Lords plans for me, and He knows everyday I am closer to attaining those dreams and fulfilling those goals." So good! - been dealing with the same thing so you are not alone lol. Thanks for posting, very encouraging :)

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